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Wed, Oct. 15th, 2003, 12:57 pm
riotboy187:

hey guys. the following poem isn't all that good. i'm not saying that to be self-effacing, since i'm not really into that- its just my honest opinion. i just wanted to put something up on this community so that we might get started. you don't have to comment on it, but i was wondering if you guys could tell me what you read in terms of contemporary poetry, or even old stuff.. just what poets are you into? why? i also want to find some good experimental language stuff-- writing that is pushing boundaries, but not sacrificing readability and the potential for real emotional connection in doing so. anway, comment if you can think of anything like that, or just tell me who yr favorite poets are. thanks. <3


interrum


cager
lazy stained and fading
laying face-up
holding still
and helping.

hold me down and
crawl by fours or twos.

i'm afraid of what you might think.

falling rain or racing
hiding pacing prying
placing perfect rows of prints
on pavement.

cold air is best on lungs inside
and free deep breaths.

light is grey on days and nights
turn yellow tungsten patchy
thankful warm and playful
pulling pushing laughing.

incandescent
uneffible
indefatiguable.

or just long hairs that prickle
droop or dance
cast inky thinner thin
fine shadows

while walls grow tall
and time makes time makes time
split open.

Mon, Oct. 20th, 2003 02:53 pm (UTC)
mrmaxkrafft

i tried responding to this last night, and it didn't work, and the masterpiece that was my response was, like so many others, lost. this post will only be a shadow of what could have been.

that being said, about your poem: i like all of the motion created by the emphasis and repetition of "-ing" words, this and the interior rhyme (especially a lot of the "a" sounds) make the poem move very quickly in parts, a motion that is nicely disrupted by the choppier lines and longer vowel sounds in the final three stanzas. i think the fourth stanza is my favorite, at least on the basis of sound alone. i think you capture the sense of waiting, or nervous energy and restless or aimless movement that accompanies waiting for something uncertain rather well, if that is what you were going for. i think the seventh stanza needs work - it doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem (also, i think the word is "ineffable"). also, i'm not sure about your use of periods. they appear at the end of almost every stanza, but only seem to make sense in some of them - there are a few places where a period occurs in the middle of what seems like it should be a sentence (like between stanzas 1 and 2).

i haven't read that much contemporary poetry, and most of the poets that i've read you probably have as well, like william carlos williams, robert frost, seamus heaney, t.s. eliot, ee cummings. . . standard introductory-college-poetry-course assortment.

Mon, Oct. 20th, 2003 03:17 pm (UTC)
mrmaxkrafft

also, i can't figure out how to post anything to this page. suggestions?

Thu, Oct. 23rd, 2003 12:14 pm (UTC)
hardcorae

Go to the update journal page, and above where you type, there's a drop-down menu that says "journal to post in." Select ctowncollective and you should be all set.

Thu, Oct. 23rd, 2003 12:39 pm (UTC)
hardcorae

Sorry it took so long for me to respond. I still haven't had time to think of anything useful to say about your poem, but I do like it, and I'll read it more carefully soon. I just wanted to offer my favorite poets. Two are ones Max already mentioned: e.e. cummings & William Carlos Williams. Emily Dickinson, Anne Sexton, and Charles Bukowski are more of my favorites.

Percy Bysshe Shelley is my favorite 'romantic' poet- not sure if you're into that sort of thing, but I like the whole opium smoking, nature-loving scene. :P Samuel Taylor Coleridge is another good one in that category. And Ralph Waldo Emerson. I wish I could say I knew of some good poets that you haven't already heard of, but I don't. If you're looking for someone new, try going to http://www.poets.org and reading poems at random. I'm sure you'll find something. :)